Some Comments from Abroad
I don’t often take advantage of “Notes From the Inside” to have a real sitter-to-parent heart-to-heart but I will now attempt to do so since I have been working with a family who is on the outside, a gizzilion miles away, and therefore I do not risk offending anyone.
First a little background info. A friend and I recently decided to live abroad and work as au pairs as a means to do so. We had contact with the family for more than six months, obtained refences and proper documentation and did everything according to the way it should be done in order to choose the best match possible. The day I arrived with this family is the day I realised that I was not the au pair for them. We soon realised that not only were we not suited for their family, but their family was not suited for au pairs and this is the reason they have been through ten au pairs and sitters in two years. Rather than drag their name through the mud by divuldging many of the interesting things that we have experienced since arriving, I am going to share with you the moral of the story. For me, the moral is: be sure to pick a) the right kind of child care and b) the right person to provide this care. (Another moral might be: don’t pack up your life and fly half way across the world before doing a thurough background check on the people you are to live with… but I’ll leave that for another day).
Most families have had some sort of child care and all families who have would appreciate that the work relationship you have with the person who cares for the loves of your life is unlike any other work relationship. Most of us who take care of children do not do it just to make a dime; we genuinely love children, think like children or are gifted with the ability to entertain/teach/calm children. Of course, even if they drive us bonkers we end up becoming very close with the little munchkins and often they become attatched to us. This is the primary reason it is so important for parents to be certain they choose the right kind of child care. Most kids are fairly resiliant and adjust to new people but having ever-changing child care can be very stressful on children.
I am not implying that I think any parent meets a random person and says: “hey… I need to run to the gym. Can you watch my kids for a sec? Here’s a twenty.” This being said, I do think that parents may choose the child care that is popular in their area or with their friends and might not consider the many other options; day care of course, nanny, live-in nanny, occasional sitter, shared nanny, and au-pair both live in and live out. Each option has its pros and cons. My suggestion is that when looking for a form of child care be open while at the same time, go with your gut and what you know about your family. For example, if you have older children who could benefit from exposure to a different culture and an extra room consider an au pair. But if your family has any special circumstances or ways of living that a live-in might not adjust well to, do not simply assume that things will work themselves out.Then again, just because you have an extra room and would like a more cost efficient form of child care does not mean you should have live-in care. If you are trying to save some money, consider another option such as “doubling up” or “sitter sharing”.
Ultimately, the best policy is to evaluate your family’s needs and what you want out of child care and then think about what your family has to offer in terms of both pay and work environment. Most importantly, be open and honest. No matter what, it is always better to take responsibility for your family’s ups and the downs and inform the person before hiring them, just as you would expect them to inform you. Certainly none of you would want to find out that the sitter you just hired to take your kids to the Waeg every day hates walking and swimming and is allergic to the sun!
Overall, if things do not work out with one type of child care or one person, learn from the past and do not make the same mistake twice… or ten times!
